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This year marks a ten-year milestone since the word “ghosting” entered the common lexicon. Initially, the concept that someone could suddenly stop contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the decade since, seeking a mate has only become more bewildering – an commonly fruitless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a cohort who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their Gen Y predecessors could ever imagine. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed guide to the phrases gen Z is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most viral memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – For Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reaction is interested or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This refers to seeking out someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do low-cost romance in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who choose against having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, transparency and openness.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits suggesting a prospective partner is trouble. For instance calling their exes crazy, poor tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These actions affirm your choice to date a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that immediately shut down any sense of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic act.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {